Written by Kyle Meyer, residing in Halifax. For additional details regarding CBC’s First Person narratives, please refer to the FAQ.
Ever since our daughter was a few weeks old, my spouse and I have encountered the same question repeatedly from acquaintances, coworkers, or even strangers: When will you be expanding your family? It often feels like being content with a single child is viewed as going against the norm. This query has never been pleasant for us, and in recent years, it has become a sensitive topic.
Initially, we had always envisioned having two kids. Both of us grew up with younger siblings, so having two children seemed like the ideal family size to us. A household didn’t feel complete without two kids playing in the yard, sharing moments at the dinner table, or playfully arguing over TV shows.
After the birth of our daughter in 2019, we knew we wanted another child. However, we decided to delay it until she was older as we wanted to focus our attention on her during her early years. We waited until she started school before actively planning for a second child.
In the autumn of 2023, my wife became pregnant. Given our previous experience of a miscarriage before our daughter was born, we cautiously maintained our optimism, not wanting to get our hopes up prematurely. However, on December 23, during an ultrasound, we received the devastating news that the pregnancy was not viable, which was emotionally crushing for us.
Following this heartbreaking event, we took a break from trying to conceive to process the emotional toll it had taken on us. When we eventually resumed trying, it took some time. In the summer of the following year, my wife discovered she was pregnant again, which brought mixed emotions of fear and hope for the future.
Despite trying to stay cautious, the excitement of the potential new addition to our family was hard to contain. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, we faced another devastating blow when we learned that the pregnancy was not viable, marking the second heartbreaking loss within a year.
Dealing with the emotional aftermath, we decided to pause our efforts to avoid experiencing another Christmas overshadowed by a miscarriage. Subsequently, when we were ready to try again, we were confronted with the challenge of infertility, adding a layer of disappointment and uncertainty about our future family plans.
Consulting with various specialists and exploring our options has been a draining journey for us. Coming to terms with the possibility of not having a second child has been a gradual process, leaving us with a sense of incompleteness.
The emotional scars from our experiences, once raw and painful, are slowly beginning to heal. Mentioning our family plans to outsiders often reopens these wounds, a reminder of the struggles we’ve faced.
Our story is not unique, as we’ve discovered through conversations that many others grapple with miscarriage and infertility. Approximately one in six Canadian couples experience infertility, highlighting the prevalence of these challenges.
Hence, before inquiring about someone’s family plans, it’s essential to consider the sensitivity of the topic. Personal family decisions are private, and probing into them unknowingly may reopen deep
